I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
It was confusing and full of hummus
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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