that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
People in love make me want to vomit
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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