The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
