Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
