On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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