Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Randomize
