Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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