she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
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