she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
