hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
