i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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