You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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