Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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