Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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