I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
