well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
