You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
