I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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