Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
