Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Is Oprah even human
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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