so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
And the cops told us we were all naked.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
