lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
