I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
