SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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