I just pynch a tree in the face
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
