where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
