Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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