I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
