anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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