Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
