I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
