I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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