I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
