Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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