it was like his penis was on wheels.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
