if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
