Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
