Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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