remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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