my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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