i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I have tasted many bathrooms
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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