omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
