No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
