i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
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I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
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Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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