i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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