Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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