you turned your livingroom into a bong?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize
