No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo