So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?