I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.