My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
