we're blogging at a bar
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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