Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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