dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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