And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
