Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
