after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
