im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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