I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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