just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
