i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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