I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
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