Im at strip club and am horny
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
