Your tits are I can't wait for
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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