hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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