At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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