I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
